14 Mar Our marriage died
We started off as a normal young couple, picturing a future without obstacles and troubles. We felt our love was so strong and could concur everything. We had already Johan’s grief of losing his mum and stepdad in a ferry catastrophe to deal with A catastrophe that cost more than 800 peoples lives on the Baltic Sea the year before we started dating. But our Love was still going strong. At the beginning of our relationship and marriage, Johan didn’t share my faith in Jesus. He believed in God but Jesus was for romantics like myself. Our love was still the main power that kept us going. But in a church in London in January 1999, he did meet Jesus in a way he no longer could deny his existence. This lead to an incredible reconciliation with his biological father who was an alcoholic and had moved to Thailand. It is a beautiful story of How Jesus can heal and restore when you never hear the word “forgive me”. To be honest I don’t think Johan’s dad realized how much he had hurt him. But by God’s amazing love he healed the wounds without Johan’s dad’s involvement. We came back to Stockholm after a year in London with Oliver growing inside me. All was good and we looked forward to building our family on a foundation of Christ. We were two believers loving each other but still living with a lifestyle of this world and not realizing followers of Christ have another life to live.
It didn’t take long after Oliver’s birth we started drifting apart. He got more and more absorbed in his work. And I poured out all the love I had for our baby. I started to spend time with other mums who also complained and shared my frustration with the non-present father. In the end our relationship only involved conflicts. We spend less and less time together. I found the first signs of Johan’s porn addiction when Oliver was 1 1/2 years old. My heart had grown hard over time, but when I opened our computer that afternoon and saw all these images popping up on the screen I locked it completely. The shame was too great to share this with someone, anyone. I kept this by myself and what was already a damaged heart from teenage years died completely emotionally. All I wanted was to be loved and love again, and I found my “answer” in this very understandable and passionate man. After a few months, Johan found our text messages and the truth of my affair was no longer kept in the dark. I actually didn’t think I had an affair as Johan had messed up this marriage before me. Now I know differently.
But I had some pretty good excuses to come up with and kept trusting as the truth for a few weeks. This was not my fault. I had all the reasons in the world to act like I did. Right?
Our marriage had died, no question about it. Our sin had led our marriage to a brutal and abusive death. There was no life anymore. I had already placed our marriage in the grave and was ready to live another life, a new life, an awesome life. But with our councillor’s experience of resurrection power, I got my new life, my new marriage but with the same man, my Johan.
What was dead, was given new life. What had died and been buried, was brought out from the tomb because there was one person knowing the power of resurrection.
I have over the years been a spokesperson for that same message, yes I believe sin kills. But when did we give death the final say? No No No. I will as long as I’m needed standing outside tombs and graves to get Jesus’ attention with my heart telling him to do the same as he did with Lazarus. I’m more than Happy to be the person moving the stone so He can do what he does best- bring Life to what has died!
I now know why we ended up where we ended up. Our Lifestyle and our ways of living didn’t match with God’s. By God’s grace, we got to experience that Forgiveness is something real, and what was broken, could be restored. What had died could live again.
The Lifestyle of Heaven’s foundation is based on grace and forgiveness.
Do you know anyone who needs a helping hand of removing a stone covering the opening a grave? I encourage you to join me to become a spokesperson for resurrection power, remove the stone so the Giver of Life can breathe in new in what has died.
Faith Hope & Love